I See You, Christmas Lights

It’s about that time folks! Take a look around and you will begin to see the Christmas light mummies rising from their cold graves in garages and sheds and hopping up onto houses and trees all over.  Ahh what a beautiful sight it is. 

We Americans take pride in our Christmas decorations, inside and out.  We take pride in jacking up our electricity bill so that our neighbors can see how much we love Christmas.  We take pride in reaching off the ladder as far as we possibly can so we can avoid having to climb back down and move it over.  Oh how sweet it is.

Me, I’m the icicle man, Best In Bucks 5 years running. You should see me, I zip right up the ladder, hop up onto the roof and hook those suckers up to the shingles and bing, bang , boom I’m done.  If it were only that easy…

Putting up Christmas lights depends on how you took them down the year before.  If you’re still riding that Christmas high, still pumped about all those sweet presents, then hey, it might just be a nice easy process.  On the other hand, if you’re like 99% of the rest of the world, it’s simply a pain in the tuckus.  Ripping the lights down is obviously the easiest way to get them. Ripping down also ensures that there is no perceivable system or organization, which therefore comes back to haunt you. 

So the first hour of the next season is spent just looking for the right lights, and then the next 5 are there to start putting them up and realizing that one of the bulbs is out, thus making the whole string out.  So after pulling Clark Griswold after Clark Griswold, after all the hours of frustration and wanting to just quit and not put as many lights up this year, you can finally marvel at your creation, your Frankenstein.

So this one’s for all you Christmas light putter uppers.  For cursing at those fuckin lights (yea I’ll let that one slip), for yelling at anyone who asks you a question no matter the subject,  and for completely being out of the Christmas spirit by the end of it all.  This Bud’s for you-oo-oo.

(Ps. This is definitely the earliest I’ve ever put up lights and it feels fantastic)